Top Ten Worst Initials for Children

 Uncategorized  4 Responses »
Aug 042011
 

It’s funny how you can some­times see your name in a dif­fer­ent way, and it sends an entirely dif­fer­ent mes­sage.  For exam­ple, my des­ig­nated code at work takes the first ini­tial of my first name and com­bines it with my last name, which wouldn’t be that big of a deal, except after Jen­nifer Lopez made her nick­name J-Lo a house­hold word, how would you pro­nounce JBLO?  Thank God this never occurred when I was in mid­dle school or high school, or else I would have been tor­mented with snide remarks.

Par­ents really should con­sider how their chil­dren could be affected by their full name later in life, espe­cially by their ini­tials.  Here is a list of some of the more prob­lem­atic acronyms:

01. Pamela Marie Smith (P.M.S.) (She sounds like the kind of girl you would want to avoid.)

02.Stephen Ulysses Xavier (S.U.X.) (If you’re going to be trapped in a fox­hole with­out any women, Solider, this guy’s for you.)

03. Irena Ursula Dean (I.U.D.) (This is the girl you want to save up all of your con­tra­cep­tion ques­tions for.)

04. Patrick Oscar Olson (P.O.O.) (It might make a great name for a proctologist.)

05. Don­ald Ivan Xan­der (D.I.X.) (You might as well intro­duce him to Stephen Ulysses Xavier and give them pis­tols to shoot themselves.)

06. Feli­cia Uma Krum (F.U.K.) (I’m not sure if the real name is any bet­ter than the acronym.)

07. Susan Theresa Dou­glas (S.T.D.) (This would be great if she sold Short-Term Dis­abil­ity ben­e­fits … or penicillin.)

08. Paul Unger Green (P.U.D.) (See Don­ald Ivan Xander.)

09. Patri­cia Ellen Eas­ton (P.E.E.) (Voted girl most likely to run­away to a con­vent at age seven.)

10. Gary Oliver Davis (G.O.D.) (Why give the kid any ideas?)

 Posted by at 6:28 pm

You Make Me Wanna Snoop Snoopa Snoop

 Humor, MARTA, Uncategorized, What's the Story? Wednesdays  3 Responses »
Mar 162011
 

EXT. MARTA — DAY

The train rushes through the dark­ness of an under­ground tunnel.

WOMAN ON CELL PHONE (V.O.)

Ya know what I’m sayin’?

INT. MARTA — CONTINUOUS

JEF leans uncom­fort­ably against side of train, as a large LOUD WOMAN prac­ti­cally shouts into her cell phone. The other pas­sen­gers glare at her.

WOMAN ON CELL PHONE

So he tells me that I’m a nympho­ma­niac. And I say, are you sayin’ I’m a nympho­ma­niac? And he says, yeah, you’re a nymphomaniac.

Jeff awk­wardly opens book and attempts to read it.

WOMAN ON CELL PHONE (CONT.)

And I said, I’m not the nympho­ma­niac. You’re the nympho­ma­niac. And he says, he can’t be a nympho­ma­niac, because a nympho­ma­niac got to be a woman, so I said, well, I ain’t read your dictionary.

The woman slings her arm out and knocks the book out of Jef’s hands. He man­ages to catch it before it falls to the ground. He nar­rows his eyes at the woman.

WOMAN ON CELL PHONE

So he laughs and says, Well, I bet I could make you holler, and I said, I bet you can’t make me holler, and he says, oh, yes, I bet I can make you holler, and I says–uh-uh!

The woman thrusts out her arm and hits Jef in the side of the head.

She doesn’t notice, but pats her intri­cate hairdo.

Jef just stares at her.

WOMAN ON CELL PHONE

I’m gonna make you holla. So I invites him up to my place and got him tied to the bed and take all my clothes off and …

Woman On Cell Phone pauses and turns toward Jef.

WOMAN ON CELL PHONE

Excuse me! Are you lis­tenin’ to my business?

Jef turns and glances behind him, but it’s just the side of the train.

WOMAN ON CELL PHONE

I said–Are you lis­tenin’ to my businesss?

Every­one else in the train car says “yes” in unison.

Woman On Cell Phone flinches and looks around her. She slumps down in her seat and whis­pers into her phone.

WOMAN ON CELL PHONE

(into phone)

I’ll call you back later, girl. Some peo­ple on this train got no respect for others.

Jef rolls his eyes.

Woman On Cell Phone hangs up and sinks back into her seat.

The rest of the pas­sen­gers APPLAUD.