Kissimicoochee Police arrested Griff B. Slagel, 52, the Food Sales Licensing Coordinator for Cracker County, when they raided the Live Nude Girls & Bait Lounge Saturday night during an illegal Peep® Show.
When police entered the establishment, they found several female performers dancing while wearing nothing but strategically placed marshmallow Peeps® on their person, and Slagel nibbling the ears off a pink marshmallow bunny nestled between a female employee’s legs. Slagel attempted to swallow the evidence, but police successfully force him to purge the evidence into a plastic bag.
Police Chief Ed Potts, 44, reported it is illegal to dance naked with live or images of animals in Kissimicoochee, as well as coloring pubic hair to resemble plastic Easter grass.
Slagel issued a statement this morning, stating he had visited the Live Nude Girls & Bait Lounge for a routine inspection and taste test and, in fact, had done nothing wrong. His wife issued her own statement shortly afterwards, saying, “His ass is Easter grass when I get my hands on him.”
Ms. Amber Jean Hensley, 22, a performer at Live Nude Girls & Bait Lounge has sold her story to Cut Bait or Fish magazine and will feature in a photo spread in the summer issue, just as soon as the green dye fades from her nether regions.
Meanwhile, Just Born, the candy manufacturer of marshmallow Peeps® plans to sue the owners of the Live Nude Girls & Bait Lounge for defamation.
So far, Kissimicoochee citizens have expressed outrage at the the illegal Peep® Show.
““It is a sin to waste a perfectly good Peep® when children are starving in Africa,” said Imogene Teller, 68, a cashier at the Piggly Wiggly, “besides that, yellow sugar chafes the thighs something fierce, too.”
““I cannot condone such irresponsible behavior from adults in our community,” said Christie Fulbright, 25, a dental hygienist and mother of two. “I’ve already been to the emergency room twice this year to have objects removed from my son’s nasal cavities; I don’t need anyone else giving him ideas of where to stick things.”
““I sure hope this scandal won’t cause them to lose their bait license,” said Leroy Haas, 49, a warehouse worker at the Stonewall Grits Company, “because they have the best prices on night crawlers in the county.”