When State Senator Joel Gillespie (Rep.) and State Representative Bucky Brewster (Dem.) pitched celebrating Blame Someone Else Day in their hometown of Kissimeecoochee, Georgia, it was with the hopes of putting differences aside and having some fun. However, their playful plan backfired and now both politicians are pointing fingers at each other.
“Who says politics has to be serious all the time?” Gillespie asked from his office at the University of Georgia’s Department of Duct Tape Research, where his research team has recently developed a coating to make the handyman favorite bulletproof. “Bucky and I believe that we can joke around and get things done in Atlanta.”
Brewster, President of Bucky’s Chickenfried Chow for Cats & Dogs, a controversial deep-fried pet food that can be fed to either species, agreed. Wearing a fake arrow accessory that looks as if he had been shot through the head by a Native American, Brewster elaborated. “I ran into Joel at all-you-can eat salad bar at Aunt Hattie’s Vegitarian Steakhouse after the legislative session, and we found that we were both tired of all this bipartisan crap. We decided the best way to bring public servants back together was to set an example. And since politicians are notorious for picking on each other, we thought we’d have some fun with this Blame Someone Else Day.
It started innocently enough with Brewster blaming Gillespie for the empty-space-to-potato-chip ratio in potato chip bags now. Senator Gillespie responded back with Brewster being responsible for candybars not tasting the same as when he was a kid. However, as the day went on, accusations proceeded to become more inflammatory, with Gillespie blaming Brewster for acid reflux, homosexuality, fat-free cheese, and Paula Abdul leaving American Idol. Brewster, in return, blamed Gillespie for McDonald’s no longer offering the biggie size option for their combo meals, Lady Gaga, prostate cancer, and spawning children so ugly that they made anal warts look cute. After such vitriolic comments, perhaps the most surprising thing is that no one noticed.
Skip Bottoms, 32, of Topp 2 Bottoms Realty, summed it best. “I’m so used to the Republicans and Democrats blaming each other, anyway, that it just seemed like business as usual, so I didn’t really pay attention.”
Neither Brewster or Gillespie chose to comment on Bottoms’ statement, but Dr. Brett Ellis of Kissimeecoochee did offer to give Senator Gillespie a buy-one-plastic-surgery-get-the-second-plastic-surgery-half-off for his twins. Dr. Ellis says he also specializes in anal rejuvenation.