Some people have fretted the world ended yesterday when the Supreme Court struck down the federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA); however, the world was still around this morning when I woke up, which just goes to show how so much of the time people get worked up over worrying about things that aren’t a threat instead of looking on the bright side. To help everyone out, I’ve decided to give you the top ten positive aspects of gay marriage:
01. Now we can finally match up all of those orphaned/widowed wedding cake toppers.
02. You can get married by a k.d. lang impersonator wherever you are instead of an Elvis impersonator in Vegas.
03. No more “Chicken Dance” at wedding receptions, people, it’s the Village People’s “Y.M.C.A” all the way!
04. Rest assured you you’ll never have to endure a lengthy GAY CATHOLIC wedding.
05. Brides maids don’t have to worry about being stuck with a three-quarter sleeve dress they’ll never wear again; there will be plenty of formal functions they can don for which they can don their tuxedos again.
06. You don’t have to worry about which side of the aisle you sit on–they’re both brides or grooms!
07. No need need to worry about bloody sheets to prove virginity, which really kills one’s appetite for wedding cake and a bloody mary at the cash bar.
08. Nothing is more exciting than the betting pool amongst the wedding guests to guess how the bride and bride/groom and groom will alter their last names.
09. The suspense of never knowing for sure what the groom will receive when he asks for THE RING and where it’s worn.
10. Think of all the money to be made by straight people in the wedding industry: CHA-CHING!