Cult of Jef

You may have heard or read how Cana­dian pop singer Justin Bieber recently vis­ited the Anne Frank House and wrote in the guest book  that he hoped Anne would have been a Belieber.  It got me won­der­ing what other famous names through­out his­tory might have been Justin Bieber fans, so here are the top ten his­tor­i­cal fig­ures who most likely would have been Beliebers:

01. Obvi­ously, Christo­pher Colum­bus would have lined up to get Justin to auto­graph his copy of My World 2.0, thank­ful Bieber took his advice not to name it Amer­i­cus 2.0

02. Cleopa­tra, being just a teenager her­self when she took the throne of Egypt, would have most likely tried to gain an audi­ence with Justin after one of his con­certs, claim­ing to be his “per­sonal deity.”

03. Albert Ein­stein would have been a fan of Justin’s whim­si­cal hair­styles.  After all, Albert did say that imag­i­na­tion is more impor­tant than knowledge.

04. Lucre­cia Bor­gia would have had no prob­lem issu­ing death threats against other celebri­ties who stole an award–say a Grammy–from Justin.  How­ever, if Lucre­cia asks you, after a spir­ited debate over dif­fer­ing opin­ions about Mr. Bieber, to name your poi­son, I sug­gest you don’t.

05.Vlad the Impaler would really know how to take care of the haters, more than likely, impal­ing them on wooden stakes to rethink the the error of their ways.

06. Marie Antoinette would have been power Twit­ter user, and, no doubt, would have led the way to out­smart Twit­ter when they changed their algo­rithm to remove per­sis­tently trend­ing top­ics, like Justin Bieber, by pur­posely mis­spelling his name in their tweets, most famously with, “Can’t wait to kiss my Beaver.”

07. Inuk Nanook of the Arc­tic Cir­cle would have delighted in putting down his har­poon to fol­low Justin from city to city to watch him per­form, feel­ing a cer­tain con­nec­tion with him, because Justin believes he has an unde­ter­mined Cana­dian Abo­rig­i­nal ancestry.

08. Some his­tor­i­cal fig­ures are only happy when they get someone’s goat; Adolf Hitler would have got­ten sat­is­fac­tion in claim­ing Justin’s mon­key for Ger­many, when Bieber failed to pro­vide doc­u­ments, all while per­form­ing Ludacris’ verse-rap from “Baby.”

09. Writer, activist, and fem­i­nist would have enjoyed the sub­ver­sive nature of hid­ing behind the Twit­ter han­dle @HappyHomemaker4eva and antag­o­niz­ing Justin and other Beliebers with DMs, while mem­o­riz­ing the lyrics to all of his songs.

10. As a Belieber, Oscar Wilde could have indulged his infat­u­a­tion for younger men and observed plenty of source mate­r­ial for his witty say­ings, such as, “Youth is wasted on the young.”