Blondie released “Rapture” on January 12, 1981. It peaked at #5 on the U.K. Singles Chart and #1 on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100. It was Blondie’s last U.S. hit until they released “Maria” in 1999.

“Rapture” is a fusion of musical styles (postpunk, new wave, and hip-hop. It was the first single with a rap to top the music charts, as well as the first rap music video broadcast on MTV. The U.S. 7″ record contained the album version, while the U.K. 7″ offered an edit. The U.S. 12″ vinyl included an additional verse and is not even an entire minute longer than the album version. Producer Mike Chapman remixed “Rapture” to create a Special Disco Version. In 1988, D.J.‘s would remix some of the most popular Blondie songs with a current sound. The remixes proved so popular, a compilation of Blondie and Debbie Harry’s solo hits was issued, entitled Once More into the Bleach.

Lead singer Debbie Harry had an ear for new trends. She used to take Nile Rodgers and Bernard Edwards of Chic to New York clubs and expose them to new things. While clubbing, Debbie became friendly with Fab Five Freddy and name-checked him in “Rapture.” Fab Five Freddy actually appears in the music video for “Rapture.”

Versions
Rapture [U.K. 7″ Promo Version] 3’53
Rapture [Edited Version] 4’50
Rapture [U.K. 7″ Mix] 4’59
Rapture [Album Version/Long Version] 6’33
Rapture [U.S. 12″ Mix] 7’13
Rapture [Special Disco mix] 10’01
Rapture [The Teddy Riley Remix] 6’58

Music Video
The music video for “Rapture” is shot to appear as if it takes place in the East Village of Manhattan. While Debbie Harry sings and raps to the camera, William Barnes, a dancer in a white suit and top hat, follows her. Rapper Fab Five Freddy and graffiti artists Lee Quinones and Jean-Michel Basquiat appear in the video. Supposedly, Basquiat, an Andy Warhol protogee was asked to be in the video when Grandmaster Flash did not show up.

Memories
I can remember shortly after we moved from Waco to Burleson, watching Solid Gold on TV in my bedroom. Debbie Harry hosted the show and sang “The Tide Is High.” I liked the song, but it was no “Heart of Glass” or “Call Me,” in my opinion. Later in the program, she played the music video for Blondie’s new single, “Rapture.” It totally blew my little 7th grade mind. I wanted to rush out and buy the song after I heard it once. After the holidays, “Rapture” began to receive airplay and it always seemed to be on the radio when my sister Vicki drove me to school or picked me up afterwards. I always loved the rap, probably because I loved old science fiction movies from the ‘50s.

What are your memories of “Rapture” by Blondie?

01. Obviously, Christopher Columbus would have lined up to get Justin to autograph his copy of My World 2.0, thankful Bieber took his advice not to name it Americus 2.0

02. Cleopatra, being just a teenager herself when she took the throne of Egypt, would have most likely tried to gain an audience with Justin after one of his concerts, claiming to be his “personal deity.”

03. Albert Einstein would have been a fan of Justin’s whimsical hairstyles.  After all, Albert did say that imagination is more important than knowledge.

04. Lucrecia Borgia would have had no problem issuing death threats against other celebrities who stole an award–say a Grammy–from Justin.  However, if Lucrecia asks you, after a spirited debate over differing opinions about Mr. Bieber, to name your poison, I suggest you don’t.

05.Vlad the Impaler would really know how to take care of the haters, more than likely, impaling them on wooden stakes to rethink the the error of their ways.

06. Marie Antoinette would have been power Twitter user, and, no doubt, would have led the way to outsmart Twitter when they changed their algorithm to remove persistently trending topics, like Justin Bieber, by purposely misspelling his name in their tweets, most famously with, “Can’t wait to kiss my Beaver.”

07. Inuk Nanook of the Arctic Circle would have delighted in putting down his harpoon to follow Justin from city to city to watch him perform, feeling a certain connection with him, because Justin believes he has an undetermined Canadian Aboriginal ancestry.

08. Some historical figures are only happy when they get someone’s goat; Adolf Hitler would have gotten satisfaction in claiming Justin’s monkey for Germany, when Bieber failed to provide documents, all while performing Ludacris’ verse-rap from “Baby.”

09. Writer, activist, and feminist would have enjoyed the subversive nature of hiding behind the Twitter handle @HappyHomemaker4eva and antagonizing Justin and other Beliebers with DMs, while memorizing the lyrics to all of his songs.

10. As a Belieber, Oscar Wilde could have indulged his infatuation for younger men and observed plenty of source material for his witty sayings, such as, “Youth is wasted on the young.”

Example: Bob spent so much at REI on camping equipment, he had to dumpster dive for his entire vacation to Jellystone National Park.

Can you use vacation poor in a sentence?

““The SlimSucker is fantastic,” said Melanie Majors, 36, a paralegal, wife, and mother of three. “After the triplets ripped me to shreds during childbirth, I had a difficult time exercising, so I had a hard time losing that post-pregnancy weight. Thanks to the SlimSucker one-piece, I look like a super heroine drawn by a horny, thirteen-year-old boy and capable of breastfeeding an entire third world nation.”

The SlimSucker was designed by Theodore Reichen, 56, a biologist specializing in harmful parasites. “I was observing the Tichi Tichi in the Belgian Congo, a tiny parasite that digs into the flesh of a larger organism and uses a feeding tube to suck the life out of another creature.

““A few weeks later while vacationing with my family in Panama City, Florida and seeing just how many obese Americans were on the beach in Speedos and bikinis, I thought, why couldn’t the science of the Tichi Tichi be used to design a slimming swimsuit for larger folk?”

In addition to the lovely one-piece for women, the SlimSucker is also available in trunks for men. The LipoLycra technology has been modified to move the fat from the gut and push it down into a special codpiece, which inflates the ego as well as his junk.

““The SlimSucker trunks are awesome,” say Kenny Ortega, 27, part-time playa and owner of Between the Bunz. “It’s not only changed my physique, it’s changed my life. I cannot even walk down the beach without some babe giving me her digits. It’s also brought a lot of attention to my hot dog stand, too, and business is booming.”

The SlimSucker retails for $59.95 and comes in four retro 70s colors: black, gold, avocado, and bone white.

““No, really, Mom. What do you and dad want to do?” I asked. My older sister, Vicki, and I had discussed ideas, possibly sending our parents on a cruise, but our mother is notorious about timing and destinations.

““Well, I don’t know when we’d go,” she said. “I’m not sure when my next belly dancing recital is, and I think your father has another colonoscopy coming up.”

““What about a cruise to Cancun?”

““Isn’t that where those college kids got decapitated by those devil worshipers?””

““Um, I don’t recall that.”

““Yeah, I think they scooped their brains out and ate Campbell’s Tomato Soup out of their skulls.”

““What about the Bahamas?”

““What if we disappear into the Bermuda Triangle? Your father and I would have to have a yard sale first. I wouldn’t want to burden you with all this junk if we’re abducted by aliens from Atlantis.”

I asked Mom if, perhaps, she and Dad wanted a party.

““Who would we invite? Most of our family and friends are dead.”

““What about Dad’s friends from the gun club and your friends from Zumba?”

““Well, we’re friendly with them when we see them, but they’re not the kind of friends you invite to a golden anniversary party. You need to know them a while before you invite people to that kind of thing.”

““You still have a week,” I said.

““Look, I didn’t even tell the church our 50th anniversary was coming up. They make you stand up in front of the congregation and one of the elders present you with an engraved platter.”

““You don’t want an engraved platter to celebrate your half-century of love with Dad?”

““Not if I have to dust it, let alone find a place for it. Where am I going to put it? Your father has ammo and his flashlight collection in every room in this house!”

““What if I just send you card?” I asked.

““That would be lovely.”

““Have you asked Dad what he wants to do?”

““I did. He doesn’t really want to make a fuss, except go to Rosa’s Cantina for dinner,” Mom said. “It’s Taco Night and seniors receive free drinks. Nothing makes your father happier than Diet Dr. Pepper in a to-go cup.”

““Wow, y’all are grabbing the bull by the horns, aren’t you?”

In the background, I heard my father snoring, and I could picture him, head thrown back against the sofa, mouth open, glasses askew on the bridge of his nose.

“Yessiree, every day with your father is an adventure,” Mom said. “What more could a girl ask for?”

The Waitresses released “I Know What Boys Like” in 1980; however, it didn’t chart until 1982, when it peaked at #62 on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100. The song was a cult sensation and featured on their debut album, Wasn’t Tomorrow Wonderful?

The Waitresses got their start on the Akron/Cleveland music scene.

Chris Butler was the leader of The Waitresses and wrote most of their songs from a female perspective, because he found it funny and stupid and cool and different. In 2005, he unknowingly bought the childhood home of Jeffrey Dahmer. He had originally written “I Know What Boys Like” and recorded all the instruments for the track, before asking his friend Patty Donahue to record the vocals as Patty Darling. He borrowed the name The Waitresses from a favorite t-shirt of a friend. After settling into New York, Butler scored a record deal with “I Know What Boys Like” and scrambled to find members for his imaginary band.

Patty Donahue was the lead singer for The Waitresses. She quite the band in 1984, then returned until the band broke up at the end of that year. Afterwards, she worked for ABC in the Political Unit and the A&R department at MCA Records. She died of lung cancer in 1996.

Drummer Billy Ficca also played drums for legendary punk band Television, Nona Hendryx & Zero Cool, among many other bands.

Saxophonist Mars Williams went on to play with The Psychedelic Furs, Billy Idol, Robert Palmer, Billy Squier, Power Station, Ministry, and many others.

Bass guitarist Tracy Wormworth went on to tour with The B-52s for 20 years. She was also a member of the house band on the Rosie O’Donnell Show.

Versions
I Know What Boys Like 3’11
I Know What Boys Like 3’20

Music Video
The music video showcases The Waitresses performing “I Know What Boys Like” in a studio, with some animated segments. Lead singer Patty Donahue flirts playfully with the camera, while the rest of the band provides additional comic relief. The video seems amateur by today’s standards; however, it has a certain charm reminiscent of the early days of MTV that I miss so much.

Memories
“I Know What Boys Like” by The Waitresses reminds me of my older sister, Vicki. She played the radio as she put her makeup on in the morning before school and when she got ready to go out for the weekend, as well as giving me a lift to school. I always enjoyed the catchy guitar riff and the monotonous melody of this song, not mention the wicked sense of humor. I was still fairly naive, so I’m not sure I really understood what boys liked yet.

What are your memories of “I Know What Boys Like” by The Waitresses?

01. Throw your head back and cackle for no reason.

02. If someone sits down beside you, burst into tears and tell them they sat on teeny tiny Lady Hoboken.

03. Borrow your friend’s boa conscrictor and perform a dance with it while sitting down.

04. Keep crossing your legs and say, “I don’t know if I can hold it much longer.”

05. Ask the person who sits next to you if they would mind if you performed a Black Mass.

06. Whine to your neighbor about the injustice of being unable to legally marry your goat since you have a such a great relationship, not mention that the sex is totally worth him eating your nightgown off your body.

07. Ask your fellow passenger if she would like to meet. Mr. Happy, the hedgehog who lives in your rectum.

08. Throw your leg over your head and begin giving yourself a tongue bath.

09. Stick your hand, palm-down, on the seat next you to you and tell people, “Sorry, super glue accident.”

10. Turn to your neighbor and ask, “Do you love singing showtunes as much as I do?”

Example: After slipping on her sports bra, Becky often felt like kicking her husband’s ass; however, she chalked it up to wonder brawn and made him dinner instead.

Can you use wonder brawn in a sentence?

““Whenever I would pick up stacks of documents to file, I became dizzy, experienced shortness of breath, and heart palpitations,” said Culpepper.  “I know it sounds silly, but I kept having visions of tripping and tossing the stack in the air, then watching in horror from the ground as hundreds of pieces of paper fell down upon me and slice my body to shreds.”

When Cuplepper spoke to George W. Ditto, Sr., about his condition, he was told he might be better off finding a new career, but Cuplepper claimed his spent his entire inheritance from his father’s steamroller accident on tuition to Ms. Rhoda’s Office Worker School.  (He graduated with a diploma in filing.)

““Besides that, I’m a hemophiliac,” Cuplpepper said, “and one I start bleeding, I’m like Old Faithful; I just keep gushing until I pass out.”

Upon hearing of his medical condition, Ditto made an offer to settle out of court.  In addition, Ditto, Ditto & Ditto have offered to replace their paper files with electronic copies.

““Kevin has been promoted to our PDF file clerk, and he will file these digital copies into electronic files, making his fear of paper cuts a moot point.

Cuplpepper seemed pleased with the outcome.  “I’m touched that Ditto, Ditto & Ditto has offered to work with me instead of putting me out of work.”  He joked, “Unfortunately, I also have an irrational fear of the return key on computer keyboards.”

Ditto, Ditto & Ditto did not respond to his joke.  Evidently, they didn’t find it very funny.

Personally, I think it started years before with the highway system in the United States. No matter how high the speed limit, it never seems to be fast enough. How can it be that in a 65 miles per hour speed zone where I’m chugging along at 80 miles per hour that other drivers are still zipping around me? Where can they possibly be going that requires a near attempt at breaking the sound barrier? I could understand if someone is in labor with a baby’s legs hanging out doing flutter kicks, but all those men behind the wheel can’t be pregnant.

I went with 2Fs to celebrate Mother’s Day with his family, since my mom is 800 miles away in Texas and, most likely, either at Zumba or belly dancing class right now. Jeff’s family decided to unofficially adopt me several years ago, so I always sign my cards from: YOUR FAVORITE ADOPTED SON.

On the way down to his older sister’s house, 2Fs told me that when he was living in London during his work exchange program in college in 1980, he decided to cook a traditional Southern meal for his British friends, so he mailed his mother a letter to ask for the recipes.

““You’re kidding me!” I said. “How long did it take?”

““About seven days.”

““Seven days! God created the world in that same amount of time and all you were trying to do is get your mother’s recipe for fried chicken.”

Nowadays, mom would send you a link to her YouTube channel where she’s uploaded a short clip of her making the dang recipe. Who has the patience to wait seven days–well, really fourteen days, since you have to send your letter, then wait for a reply.

It reminded me of when I used to order British twelve inch singles from a mail order company in Illinois. I’d look through their catalog, fill out the form, and send my order off with a cashier’s cehck for the cost of the records, plus shipping and handling. It would sometimes take weeks to receive my records. Today, we go to the artist’s website, where we can listen to the song and watch the music video. If we like it, we can click on the iTunes icon and download it without paying shipping and handling. Who has the patience to wait weeks, anymore?

All of this has combined to make most people very impatient listeners. We want others to get to the point before we feel the overwhelming urge to disengage and check our e-mail, Facebook, or Twitter feed. It got me wondering how to get someone’s attention once I’ve lost it.

Jeff’s mother told an interesting story this evening about their pastor, who has a reputation for sermons that go on a tad too long. When he sees the congregation drifting off, he usually does something unexpected to get their attention. A few Sundays ago, evidently he pulled out a replica of a hand grenade from the podium and hurled down the main aisle of the church. Once he had everyone’s attention, he finished the sermon. What a brilliant idea! I can wait to try that out.