I, like many people, have a fear of losing control. However, I didn’t become aware of just how big that fear was until one of my bookstore customers casually mentioned that her friend had to place the litter box out of reach of her dog because he was eating cat’s feces.
““I’m sorry,” I said. “Did you say the dog was eating the cat’s feces out of the litter box?”
““Her vet said that all dogs do it. It’s not a nutritional deficiency; they just like the taste of it.”
I really found this information hard to swallow, so I went to the Internet to get the scoop on cat poop and pooches. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that my customer was right!
So the next day I’m in the laundry room and I start to scoop out Kona’s litter box and I freeze, poop in mid-scoop. And I remember the conversation about dog’s predilection for feline feces. For some reason, I started thinking about how some people just snap one day and start doing bizarre things, like taking all of their clothes off in public or becoming obsessed with their own excrement. And then I wondered how cat poop tasted. If it’s as delicious as dog’s believe, surely it must be quite flavorful. Is it salty? Sweet? Sour? Would ranch dip make it more palatable? Would it be considered vegan. And then I thought, For the love of God, have you lost your mind!
I quickly put the waste in a plastic bag and threw it in the trash. I washed my hands and hurried to the far end of the house. I sat down in the corner, legs bouncing up and down, as I waited for my anxiety to abate.
Finally, I called 2 F’s at work. As soon as he picked up the phone, I said, “Promise me that if you ever come home and find I’ve lost my mind and started eating cat feces out of the litter box that you’ll you’ll perform an intervention!”
““Um, hello to you, too,” he said. “What’s this all about?”
““Well, a lady came into the bookstore yesterday and told me that her friend’s dog started eating cat poop out of her cat’s litter box, so she had to keep it away from her dog, and I didn’t believe her, but I Googled it, and dog’s really like the taste of cat feces, and today while I was scooping Kona’s litter box, it occurred to me that one day I might go crazy and stick a piece of cat poop in my mouth, and it might really be delicious as dog’s seem to believe, and I won’t be able to stop myself, so I’m counting on you to keep my mouth a no cat poop zone.” I took a deep breath. “Deal?”
““Deal,” he said. “Do you feel better?”
I took a personal craziness reading and my anxiety had, in fact, passed. “Yes, I guess I just needed to get that off my chest.”
““It would seem so.”
““You know, I’ve always thought I would get a lot out of confession if I were Catholic,” I said.
““It’s never too late,” he said, with a chuckle.
And then that anxious feeling returned and I wondered, What if one day I suddenly lose my mind and convert to Catholicism …