Affirmations are statements said out loud of something that someone wants to manifest in his or her life. Here are the top ten funniest affirmations that I overheard at a new age retreat:
01. Oh … my … goddess … look at the size of his second chakra …
02. I am now willing to forgive that @#%*.
03. I am prosperous and one step ahead of the repo man.
04. I am open to glorious vibrant health–or winning a free tummy tuck.
05. I accept that I need to learn to like myself before I can attract a loving partner, but I’m also receptive to a regular booty call until I get there.
06. I affirm that my husband now puts the toilet seat down when he uses the bathroom at night, so I can sit on the toilet in the dark in confidence.
07. I surround myself with a spiritual teflon coating and dysfunctional people just slide out of my life.
08. I visualize macaroni & cheese for everyone.
09. I and my big boobs now attract an attractive, sensitive, blind man who likes to listen.
10. I love my anus.