When I hear about bullying in schools these days, I’m always reminded of my best friend Kent and his Satanic Bible. Kent was not a devil worshipper; he played trombone in the marching band. However, when he started high school, he would walk through the halls with his Satanic Bible on top of his algebra and physical science book.
One day, I asked him, “Kent, what’s up with The Satanic Bible?”
I asked this because my neighbor was our school principal, who also went to my church, and I was beginning to receive strange looks from Mr. Ford. I’m sure he was beginning to wonder if I was guilty by association. Plus, Kent sometimes spent the night at my house, and I didn’t want to wake up in the middle of a pentagram drawn with a Sharpie while Kent, nude and wearing a goat’s horns, chanted in Latin.
““You know how the upper classmen sometimes give younger classmen a hard time?” he asked.
““Well, I was thinking to myself, ‘Self, what would keep an upper classman from giving me a hard time?’ And my Self said, ‘Satan,’” Kent said. “So I asked my mom for ten bucks to buy a copy of To Kill a Mockingbird to read for English, and then I went to Walden Books at Hulen Mall and bought The Satanic Bible.”
““So you haven’t signed your name in blood in a black book, then?”
““You know how much I hate to read,” he said. “I’ve never even opened the book.”
““So no upper classmen have bothered you since you started high school because you’re carrying The Satanic Bible?” I said.
““Well, some of the goth girls have been flirting with me, but other than that, no.”