As some of you may remember, tragedy struck at the Kissimeecoochee Baptist Church last Christmas when members of youth group “borrowed” the plastic Baby Jesus from the nativity scene for an impromptu game of touch football. Rodney Dobbins, Jr. went out for a pass and tripped over a lawn sprinkler, missing the airborne Christ Child, who cleared the fence and landed on Old Confederate Highway where a inmate-staffed road crew was repaving the road with a steamroller.
“You’d be surprised how aerodynamic those little polyurethane Jesuses are,” Rodney, Jr. said. “Those outstretched arms help them glide on the air currents.”
When Rodney and friends recovered the Baby Jesus, they slipped him back into the manger and hoped no one would notice. It would have been a good plan had the Christ Child not been reduced a thickness of a half inch and pressed out to a 36-inch saucer-shape, his eyes now seeming to bug out like an alien.
Unfortunately, Mary Ann Snow, President of the Kissmeecoochee Baptist Ladies Auxiliary and First Soprano in the Bible Belters Music Ministry noticed as she and her husband, Deacon Don, drove by on their way to deliver one of their famous BBQ box lunches as part of their Jews for Jesus Outreach. Mrs. Snow demanded that the boys be ex-communicated from the church (not burned at the stake, as previously reported). However, the congregation opted to pardon the boys for being … well … boys. After New Year’s Day, most church members forgot about the incident, with the exception of Mrs. Snow, who Rodney, Jr. reported he would often see waiting in her car with the engine running, when he finished his shift at the Dixie Dawg, when the new preacher, Bobby Young, Sr., found what has been affectionately dubbed as the Flat-as-a-Pankcake Baby Jesus hanging on the back of his office door.
“At first, I thought I had stumbled upon some heathen voodoo, ” Rev. Young, Sr. said, “But then my secretary explained what it was.” Sensing that it might generate some publicity, Rev. Young, Sr. added the Flat-as-a-Pancake Baby Jesus to this year’s nativity scene. The response has been overwhelming. “We haven’t had this kind of reaction since we added pink flamingos to the stable animals back in 1972. Folks have driven in from all over the great State of Georgia to see our Flat-as-a-Pancake Baby Jesus. We’ve even won some souls for Christ, as a result of it.”
For a limited amount of time, you can even have your picture made with the Flat-as-a-Pancake Baby Jesus.
“Last year, I thought we were being punished,” said Mrs. Snow, “However, now we know that it’s just the miracle of the Flat-as-a-Pancake Baby Jesus.”