Parents Resort to Tough Love Santa to Get Kids to Behave

Are your chil­dren unruly?  Dis­re­spect­ful?  Unphased by pun­ish­ment?  Then hire Tough Love Santa to whip them into shape before Christmas.

For the spe­cial price of $99.00, Tough Love Santa and his Heart­less Elves will kid­nap your chil­dren from their beds, tie them up, blind­fold them, and drive them to water­front ware­house where he will inter­ro­gate them about every naughty thing they’ve done since last Decem­ber.  In addi­tion to billy clubs, brass knuck­les, and an elec­tri­cal cat­tle prod, Tough Love Santa will also force­feed them faux rein­deer dung and stran­gle them to the point where they almost lose con­scious­ness until they promise never to mis­be­have again. At that point, your chil­dren will be blind­folded, and drive back to their bed­rooms with­out wak­ing you.

“My kids used to mock me when I spanked them,” said Margie Weiss, 37, a home­maker.  “Now I just have to hum ‘Here Comes Santa Claus’ and they burst into tears and beg me not to call Tough Love Santa.  There’s noth­ing like a lit­tle T.L.S.!”