Ronette Reagan Smith was a poster girl for conservative journalism. She grew up in a Republican household, she was named after The Gipper, and , ten years ago, she joined Fox News just out of college as a general assignment reporter.
Then one year ago, she changed.
““At first, it was little things,” said Joan Smith, Ronette’s mother. “She started recycling, using raw sugar, bought some Birkenstock sandals to wear at home with the curtains drawn.”
““The next thing we knew, she quit her job with Fox and moved to a commune,” continues Ronette’s father, Bill. “She quit shaving her legs and under her arms, would only eat granola, and married a black girl in Vermont. Her fiance washed his hands of her. We don’t know who she is, anymore …”
““We tried reasoning with her, but she’d just shake her head at us and kept saying, ‘Don’t you see how much gray there is in the world?’ We had to admit that the world was pretty black and white to us.”
And Ronette Reagan is not the only one. Over the past 25 years, more and more conservative journalists have mysteriously become liberal. It remained a mystery until German psychologist Wolfgang Fuchs published his findings in the Dresden Psychology Report & Coupon Clipper. Fuchs findings indicate that many conservative reporters are effectively being brainwashed by the GOP banging the drum of a liberal media in the United States.
“If you say something again and again, eventually people will believe it–even if there is no proof to support it,” said Fuchs. “During the 1950’s in East Germany, researchers told volunteers that they were chocolate eclairs repetitively until one day they found all of the subjects had consumed themselves except for one, who was allergic to dairy and couldn’t eat her cream filling.”
Ronette’s parents feel that Fuchs may be onto something. Her father drove out to the commune dug up the tree that Ronette has been hugging, professionally, for the past few months, and planted the tree with his attached daughter in their backyard. He and his wife take turns sitting outside with their daughter and repeating “conservative media” over and over again.
When asked what they’ll do if their conservative reparative therapy does not work, Mrs Smith replied, “I guess we’ll have to shoot her. I hope it doesn’t come to that, though. I wouldn’t want to get blood on the petunias. What would the neighbors think?”