Today is the Ides of March. which is a derived from the Latin term for middle of the month. On this day in 44 B.C., Julius Caesar was assassinated in the Roman Senate. Every time I read or watch this story, it always ends the same way. It got me thinking about what Caesar’s options might have been. Therefore, I present to you the top ten things Julius Caesar should have done on March 15, 44 B.C.
01. Call in sick to work with a 24-hour brain tumor.
02. Stay at the villa and choreograph a cute dance routine with Cleopatra to the Bangles’ “Walk Like an Egyptian.”
03. Stop by the Food Court at the mall for an Orange Julius.
04. Call the Psychic Network for a second opinion.
05. Invest in some concealed body armor.
06. Stop by Applebee’s for a caesar salad for lunch.
07. Auditioned for the part of Julius Caesar in a community theatre’s production of Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, then read the script to discover how it turns out.
08. Fly to Vegas to see Cher perform at Caesar’s Palace Hotel & Casino.
09. Nip in to Toni & Guy at the mall and get a quick trim–a Caesar cut, of course.
10. Cryogentically freeze himself, thaw out at the end of the 19th Century, borrow H.G. Wells’ time machine to travel back to 43 B.C., replace all daggers with chopsticks, then go to the Senate with confidence on March 15, 44 B.C.