Sometimes it’s hard to know how a relationship is going, especially since asking where the relationship is going can spook the other person So, how do you know if you’re wasting your time? Here are ten signs that your relationship is over:
01. You girlfriend asks for you to help her address wedding invitations–for her and and some guy named Harvey. Unfortunately, your name is not Harvey.
02. You’ve wondered why he hasn’t called, then you see his obituary in the newspaper.
03. You and your girlfriend pick up another girl at a bar and bring her home, but they ask if you can go make them a snack while they get to know each other.
04. He calls to break a date because he forgot to take out the trash and his mother has grounded him for two weeks.
05. Your girlfriend asks if she can borrow ten thousand dollars to put a hit on you.
06. Your boyfriend asks you to legally change your name to Angelia Jolie, so he can think about her when he calls you by name.
07. Your girlfriend informs you that she has now devoted her life to an extreme form of veganism that does not allow oral sex.
08. Your boyfriend asks if you can pick him up from the hospital after his breast augmentation.
09. You discover that your girlfriend’s thesis is titled “Freeze Their Sperm and Kill All the Bastards: Whey Men Are Completely Unnecessary for the Future of Our Planet.”
10. You catch your boyfriend in flagrante delicto with your best friend–your chocolate lab, Zeus.