01. You study all-week for a spelling test, then misspell your name on the test.
02. Your parents name your little sister Prissy and she grows up to be a major tomboy.
03. The kids in the neighborhood work you into a frenzy of excitement as they explain how Santa Claus brings children presents on Christmas Eve, only to return home and have your mother explains what it means to be a Jehovah’s Witness.
04. You can’t wait to play with the radio-controlled car that your parents gave you for your birthday, but you discover they forgot to buy batteries.
05. After taking pleasure in poisoning your neighbor’s mean dog that bit you, your neighbor accidentally backs over your dog in his car.
06. You pray that the Margie Miller, the lead in the school play, will come down with the flu on opening night, so you, the understudy, can go onstage. When she calls you from the hospital to tell you to break a leg before you go onstage, you do.
07. You can’t wait to finally be 48″ tall so that you can ride the big-ass rollercoaster at the amusement park, only to have it shut down after someone is slung off the ride the day before you’re supposed to visit the park.
08. You beg your parents to let you have a kitten, then you discover you’re deathly allergic to them.
09. You tease another kid at school for acting so gay, then you go home and your father announces he’s leaving your mother for someone named Jose.
10. You look forward to all the caramels and saltwater taffy you’re going to score on Halloween night, only to find out you’re getting braces on October 30.