It’s hard to keep a good blonde down, especially when she’s singer, songwriter, multi-instrumentalist, actress, and author Dolly Parton. At an age when most female performers’ shelf lives have already expired, Parton still records and tours. However, in a move that has taken everyone by surprise, Parton will no longer perform under the name Dolly Parton; she is now Lady Tata.
“Well, times change, and we have to keep up with those times,” Lady Tata revealed at a press conference outside a Nashville Waffle House. “And artists have to stay in step with those changes or be left behind–and I’ve never been known for my behind.”
Over the past few months, Lady Tata has collaborated with Timbaland, RedOne, Greg Kurstin, Max Martin, and “Weird Al” Yankovic for her first new album of original music since 2008, and tentatively titled Tit for Tat. “You know, I just wanted to try something different,” Lady Tata said, as she rolled up her sleeve to reveal a colorful tattoo of a busty skeleton. “I’ve been working the female impersonator style for the past decade, and something edgier appealed to me, and I’ve enjoyed watching what Lady Gaga has done in her music videos and concerts.”
Still, Lady Tata has not lost her trademark sense of humor. She played some tracks from the new album: “This Blonde’s Goin’ Out (But It Ain’t to No Pasture),” “Nothin’ a Wig Won’t Fix,” “I Wanna Sop You Up with My Last Biscuit,” “When the Bra Comes Off (I’m in for the Night),” and “I Hold the Staple Gun (So I Call the Shots). When asked if the rumor was true that she will perform a blue grass infused hip hop version of Two Live Crew’s “Me So Horny” with the Pigeon Forge Retired Volunteer Firemen’s band, The Bugle Boys, on her T.T.F.N. (Tata for Now) Tour. “Wait and see, boys, wait and see.”
Other scuttlebutt states that she will make her appearance on stage via a a giant animatronic cow that gives birth to her. When asked if she would eat the afterbirth, Lady Tata responded in true Parton fashion. “No, honey, I can’t afford the Weight Watchers points, so I’ll just chuck into the audience.”