Authorities have encouraged residents of Beaver’s Butt, Montana to stay home, since thousands of jellyfish have spontaneously swarmed the small town. Scientists refer to these seasonal congregations of jellies as a bloom, because they result from increasing temperatures and sunshine, like flowers bloom in the spring.
“It was the funniest sight I ever seen,” said Billy Fox Trot, 67, President of the Native American Stuntmen’s Association (NASA). “My people have lived in these parts for hundreds of years, and I have no recollection of jellyfish ever being in Beaver’s Butt.”
Townsfolk report it was just a regular summer’s day when the jellyfish arrived. “I was just wiping down the counter and refilling coffee for my customers when the Greyhound buses pulled up,” said Mavis Moore, 54, a waitress at the Donut Hole. “Then these jellyfish began swimming down the steps and all over town. They’re everywhere. You can’t even turn your buggy around in the Piggly Wiggly without running over one and getting it caught in the wheels.”
Ranger Ted Daniels, 33, of the nearby Beaver’s Butt National Forest encourages citizens of Beaver’s Butt to remain calm and patient. “These jellies don’t want to hurt anyone. They just want to do some sightseeing, take a few pictures of one another standing in front of attractions, and buy t-shirts, pencil sharpeners, and beer bottle openers like any other tourist.”
However, Ranger Ted warns that some of the younger male jellies have been observed getting drunk late into the night at the local bars, and then playfully extending their tentacles to other patrons and laughing as they sting them with nematocysts. “Just put some vinegar on the sting and remember that we were all young, once, too.”
